On Sunday 13th August my world was torn apart when my neighbor knocked on our door at 9am & told my husband that our beloved 5 year old cat, Jack Sparrow had grown his wings & gone to heaven! I was still in bed when my husband was given this news, so he then had to come upstairs & break it to me. I will never forget those words, even writing this now, I want to cry. The seriousness & concern on his face when he said those words, will never leave my mind. The very words I have always dreaded hearing from the moment I let Jack Sparrow outside as a kitten to explore.
He just came out with it & at first I thought I had misheard him, or I was still dreaming & I was about to wake up at any moment, so I asked him to say it again & it was then that I realized, this was real....
"Babe, come here, I need to tell you something, Jack's been hit by a car & he's died"
I just sat there numb for a couple of seconds & then I actually felt my heart break, & the pain hit me like I had been stabbed, I couldn't breathe or think, I couldn't even cry, I just sat there for a few seconds, completely numb!... he was gone!
Then out of nowhere I remember jumping out of bed & dashing downstairs to find my neighbor stood at my backdoor, I had no shoes on, I was crying & covered in snot, but I didn't care, I needed to get to Jack Sparrow, I needed to see him! So my friend put me in her car & drove me literally 2 seconds around the corner on to the bottom green near my house, where I expected to see him laid in the road, because this is what I had been told, that he was found in the road, but when we arrived he wasn't there, nobody was! so my friend then drove me back home & there stood another one of my friends holding a bag, that had my boy inside! she had picked him up & brought him home to me. She instantly hugged me, but all I could do was push away, I pushed past my husband who was stood next to the bag & I opened it up, praying harder than I ever have in my entire life, hoping it wasn't him. hoping they had got it wrong! I didn't recognize him, his fur was wet, & as I moved further up his body I noticed blood around his neck & his ear, then I saw his blue collar... & I just remember collapsing on the floor & crying the hardest I ever have in my life, my neighbors tell me I was screaming, but I don't remember making any noise, I just remember crying, & in that moment wanting to die with him!
Everything after that was a massive blur, I just couldn't believe this was happening... my beautiful baby boy, my best friend was gone! the worst part for me was then having to tell my son, Joel that Jack Sparrow was gone! so my husband brought him down from upstairs, I was sat on the kitchen floor & I told him to come & sit on my knee... He asked me if I was okay because I was crying & I told him no, i'm not okay & I need to tell you something, but you need to be very brave okay? he looked at me worried, but said okay, & I don't know how I managed it, but I managed to tell him... Jack has been in an accident, & he's gone to heaven. Joel broke down into tears & gave me a cuddle & we just sat there on the kitchen floor for 10 minutes, cuddling & crying.. I wanted to take this away from him so badly, he shouldn't have to feel this pain at 6 years old. Thankfully, our daughter Felicity is only 3, & she didn't understand what was going on in the slightest.. I have never squeezed my son so hard in my life, I have never seen him cry so hard either, which just made me worse.
A few hours later after we had all calmed down, my neighbor from over the road helped me remove Jack from the bag, wrap him up & place him in a comfortable box. I still couldn't look at his face though, as I didn't want that to be the last thing I see & remember of him! I want to remember him as the happy cat he was! I did give him an awkward cuddle tho, he was semi-hard as rigor had set in, so it wasn't the best of cuddles, I told him I loved him & that I was sorry I wasn't there to comfort him when he died, but that I was here now to make sure he was comfortable after half an hour, I placed him in the box, said my goodbyes & closed the box up tight so nobody else could get in it..I had to leave him in the outhouse over night as it was a Sunday & we couldn't take him to be cremated until the morning, & that for me was the worst thing, leaving him in that outhouse all on his own.. I know he was gone, but he was my baby & I had to leave him in there on his own, as I couldn't have him in the house because of the kids.
On Monday 14th August, Neil took Jack Sparrow to our vets to have him cremated. We got his ashes back on 21st August, so just a week & he now sits in the kitchen with me on the window. In the week of his passing, I completely tortured myself wondering what had happened & how he had been killed on such a quiet road on a Sunday morning! so a few days after his passing I called our vet, & spoke to the lady that tendered to Jack after my husband left him. She said that Jack Sparrow had massive head trauma that could only have been caused by a head-on collision, which means he would have been knocked out the instant the car hit him & he wouldn't have felt or known a thing! this really helped to put my mind at rest, & it really helped give me some closure on how he died.
It's been 10 weeks now since Jack Sparrow passed away & I still miss him so much, some nights I still cry myself to sleep, thinking about him! for my 30th birthday on 30th September my husband surprised me with a new kitten... well I say surprised, it was more arranged & wasn't even really a surprise as I knew about it.. Our new kitten Lulu, was born on 30th August 2017, just 2.5 weeks after Jack Sparrows death, & she is now coming up almost 8 weeks old, she will be coming to live with us in the next week or so, & I can't help feeling a slight pang of guilt for getting another cat so soon after Jack Sparrow, but I also know, deep in my heart that nothing can or will ever replace my beautiful boy, & I also have to think about our 2.5 year old female cat Serah that Jack Sparrow left behind who is very lonely at the moment, as she grew up with Jack, from her being an 8 week old kitten herself, so she has also been grieving for him herself & I have had to make sure that she was okay before another cat entered our house, which is why we decided to get Lulu through a friend who's cat was pregnant at the time of Jacks death, as I knew it would be a few weeks before the kitten came to live with us, giving us plenty of time to grieve for Jack Sparrow...
I know he wouldn't want me to be unhappy, he was my cuddle buddy when I was poorly & I have really missed him when i've been ill, i've missed his purring as I fall asleep & his curling up next to me in bed for our afternoon naps! but it would seem Serah has sensed this & taken his place, as she now comes to bed with me for naps, & curls up with me when i'm poorly too! cats really are beautiful souls, & you don't pick them, they pick you.
I miss you everyday my beautiful boy, & you will always be in my heart & my memories, until we meet again at Rainbow Bridge, where I know you will be waiting for me.