Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Ramble.. I'm sorry in Advance

I actually want to cry. I sat here last-night & spent a good 10-15 minutes on a massive long blog post & then Google Chrome decided it wasn't going to post my my new blog post & instead it was going to delete the entire thing! :s 

These past few weeks have been rather tough on me & i'm now beginning to see the cracks. My husband has been home from work for nearly 4 & half weeks now suffering with anxiety attacks & low moods, so for him & Joel (my son) I've had to try & be the strong one, something i'm not always good at, & there is only so much I can take before I crack myself & have a total breakdown! On top of all this going on at home I recently lost my "Best Friend" Natasha because her Fiance Daniel has become a total womanizing immature prick. Call me insecure & selfish & even needy if you like but before he came on the scene, it was always me, Natasha & our little boys! we did almost everything together & our boys developed an amazing little friendship & now because of him i've had to end our friendship & our little boys have lost out on a lovely friendship due to no fault of their own, cheers Daniel!!! 
One night back in October I managed to get myself a rare child free night because Joel was off to sleep over at his aunties & Natasha also managed to aswell so we decided to hit Wakefield let our hair down & enjoy ourselves for just one night. I had a total blast with her, we drank, we danced & we had a great laugh, then around midnight we entered a club named Buzz & this is were we met Daniel & his friend Dave. Natasha & Daniel hit it off & me & Dave were left standing around looking like plonkers! I decided that I would be nice & add Daniel to my Facebook so that Natasha could find him the next day. The weeks passed & Daniel & Natasha became an item, & me & Natasha began to see less & less of each other, at first I was totally cool with it because after-all they were a new couple & they needed their space & Natasha had also reassured me that she would never ditch me for a guy! Then one night I asked Natasha if she could get rid of Daniel (basically see if he could arrange something with his mates so that we could have a girlie night, by this point they were practically living together & I hadn't seen Natasha in over a month so I didn't see anything wrong with asking this! Little did I know all hell was going to break loose, Daniel took what I said completely the wrong way & this is when I saw the real side of Daniel.. the true him! he was vile, disgusting & rude! but he reckons he was being truthful :s I put up with his snide rude comments for the sake of Natasha because she was my best friend & I just wanted to see her happy. From day one he'd never liked me & wanted me out of the picture so he could have Natasha all to himself, Me & Natasha were "married on Facebook & he even managed to take that away from me, asif taking my best friend wasn't enough?!!! then again, that's what control freaks do right? he wanted all her attention & he was willing to watch her lose friends so he could get it. another month passed & we eventually managed to make some time to meet up, I assumed it was just goin to be me & Natasha & the boys because Daniel was off signing on! how wrong was I.. He turned up at soft play & yet again demanded all her attention.. so it ended up us all having to leave soft play early because that's what he wanted & then when we were walking through town it was, him & Natasha walking side by side & me & Joel walking behind like we weren't even there! 

He's so competitive. He called me up one day to tell me Bailey had a bug & then started banging on about how just because Bailey goes to nursery 5 mornings a week (he started Feb 2013) that means he's been in nursery longer than Joel, even though Joel has been going to Nursery one afternoon a week since Feb 2012! where does he even come up with this shit? 

Anyways, last-week it all finally came to a head! I asked Natasha & Daniel if they would sponsor me for the Children's Cancer charity I am currently raising money for by shaving my head on 18th April 2013. I had text Daniel & Natasha at the same time then Daniel popped up on Facebook & I started chattin with him & he told me that they were skint & apparently Natasha's text didn't reach her until much later on that day & when I later logged onto Facebook I saw a proper bitchy status from Daniel accusing me of badgering & him tellin me to stop being super women & look after my son?!! He then proceeded to text & harass me & say that I was a bad mother, I don't pay any attention to my son & that the authorities should be called.. This coming from a 20 year old guy who has NO children of his own & has been helping bring up Natasha's son for 5 minutes, yet now he thinks he can slate me on my parenting skills?! He hasn't the first clue on parenting!!! 

So i'd had enough. I later text Natasha & told her everything that had happened & that I couldn't continue our friendship if Daniel was going to continue being so hostile towards me (putting it nicely) she text back the next day & said "I respect your decision" THAT'S IT!!! goes to show exactly how much my friendship meant to her then doesn't it?!! Thanks a bunch. 
I'm sick to death of meeting new people, trusting them, opening my heart to them & then they walk all over me! I start to think my life is going good & things are looking up & then something really shit happens & i'm knocked down all over again! & people wonder why I keep myself in doors & like to be alone! it's the best thing to do these days because you can't trust nobody!

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