Friday, 17 May 2013

Diary entry #10 Emotional Roller coaster.

Dear Diary.

Today I have woken up feeling so many emotions that I don't know what to do with myself. My first thought is to crawl back into bed & hide under my duvet for the rest of the day, but of course I cannot do that because I have my son to look after, so instead I have to deal with these emotions, & work my way through them one by one in my head.. trying to figure out why it is that I am feeling this way. 

The only conclusion that I can come up with is that on Wednesday I came away from my session with Mary feeling fairly happy & I had decided that I was going to aim for Wednesday 22 May (next week) to be my last counselling session with Mary, at the time I was happy with this decision but as the days have gone on I have began to sway, I know that I do eventually need to give it up, & the past few weeks I haven't really had anything in-particular to talk about & that is why I came to the decision that maybe I am ready to stop the sessions? but then for the past day or two I have started to over-think it & now the thought of not having the session there anymore actually scares me! :s 

I also think I may have hit the nail on the head with my "needy" issues. I get far to attached to things, like the counselling, I have gotten to used to having someone there that I can always talk too, somebody who is not involved in my life emotionally & them being somebody I can trust & feel comfortable around. & if I stop these sessions that person will disappear. 

I think it is safe to say, today is a bad day. :(

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