Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Diary post #54 *anxious*

Dear Diary... 

I am beginning to see where my "lowness" is steaming from. 
Me & my hubs have been trying for our second baby for over a year now,. On 30th October I am having scans to be tested for PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) I have never been so anxious & nervous about something so simple as a scan in my entire life. 

I think the main reason is because the last time I had this sort of scan was when I miscarried in November 2009, the whole prospect of me needing to have this scan is making me think about the last time I had it done & the reasons why... because I lost my baby. I have been thinking about my angel alot just recently & well not alot of people even know I have lost a baby as I have never really spoken to many people about my loss & in a way that makes me feel terrible because so many other people talk about their babies who've passed & I rarely do. :/ its just kinda sent me into a really depressed & guilty state. I class Joel as my first child, but technically speaking, he's not.

Does it make me a bad person that I don't tend to talk about my angel much? 

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