Sunday, 29 December 2013

Diary Post #57!! *The good & the not so good of 2013*

Dear Diary..

For the past week now I have been thinking about all the good & the not so good about this year so far. I saw another one of my friends do a similar post & so that I didn't look as though I was "copying" I asked her if it was okay for me to do something along the same lines. :)

This year has been quite a roller coaster for me so in this post I would like to talk about the highs & the lows of 2013 for me. 

*) At the beginning of the year I was suffering quite bad with my depression & anxiety, so bad that I pushed a load of people away, mostly really good friends. So around May time I actually referred myself to a councilor for some additional support. Not that I wasn't getting that at home, but I really found that talking to somebody who wasn't emotionally involved in my life, really helped me to get out all of my frustrations, anger & things that I couldn't really tell my family & friends in fear of them judging me. I continued to see my councilor for 12 sessions, which all together was 3 months, alot longer than what other people would get. After my counselling sessions I felt alot more confident, which helped me to pull myself back together & start to be myself again! I then decided to get back in touch with those i'd hurt (pushed away) & try to build as many bridges as I could. 

**) This year we celebrated it being 2 years since Joel had major lung surgery to remove the bottom lobe of his right lung, which is were his CCAM was. For us this is an amazing achievement because if I am honest, when Joel was born, we didn't even think he would be here to celebrate his first birthday, never mind his third birthday & being 2 years post op! it truly was an amazing & rather emotional time for us all. 

***) After 14 & half months of trying I found out in November that I am expecting our second child. This was a huge shock as we'd been trying for a rather long time, with everybody around me falling pregnant & it just not happening for us! At the end of October I was sent for scans by my doctor to see if I was suffering with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) a week after my scans, I was searching in my kitchen draw for a pen & I came across a pregnancy test, I was 12 days late but didn't really think anything of it, as my "cycles" had been that way for the past 6 months, but seen as the test was there I thought "why not" & did it anyways. When I saw that positive I don't think I have cried so much in my life! At the time Neil wasn't home. So when he did eventually get back home & he asked if I was okay I just blurted it out straight away "yes i'm fine, infact i'm great.... i'm pregnant" the huge smile that emerged on his face was totally priceless! together we were both just staring at the test in amazement. Of course I had to be 100% sure so I did a second, a third & then a fourth ;) I am now 12 weeks pregnant, I have had my dating scan & everything is well with baby & I am due 10th July 2014.
  
***) Just before Christmas a friend of mine got in touch. We hadn't fell out as such, we just lost touch because she was dating a guy that ended up coming between us, & well she couldn't see what a total manipulating vile person he was (& that's putting it nicely) so I just walked away & told her that I couldn't keep in touch with her as he was being rather violent towards me, sending threatening text & to be honest, scaring the life out of me, so for 12 months we didn't speak. Thankfully she eventually saw the light & chucked him to curb. Since she got in touch again we have met up twice & if I am honest with myself, it has been amazing to have my friend back. I met her when I was attending my post natal depression groups last year & it was through them that our friendship grew, so to have her back in my life is great because she is possibly the only person who understands my "feelings" & how bad I can sometimes be. We completely bounce off each other & get each other through our bad days. Of course I had friends that didn't agree with me getting back in touch with her, they actually made me "choose" between them & her, so I basically don't speak to this other person much anymore because I don't see how she is a good friend? because a good friend would never make you choose. they'd just support you no matter what but she didn't & I'm not a person who would choose between my friends because i'm not that petty. 


I have had a pretty mental year if I am honest & I cannot actually wait to kiss 2013 goodbye. I am going to definitely make 2014 a better year if it kills me! I am starting Slimming World in January to help me with "healthier options" throughout my pregnancy & to hopefully help me to lose a few lbs! I have an amazing family & some beautiful supportive friends at my side, so next year is basically going to be the best, a new year, a new baby & a new me! 



2 comments:

  1. What a mixed year you've had.

    So pleased to hear Joel is such a tough cookie and huge congratulations on your pregnancy.
    I'm the same with testing lol.

    Thanks for linking up

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  2. What a mixed year you've had.
    Congratulations kn your pregnancy. Very exciting

    Thanks for linking up

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