Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Diary Post #56. (Labour & birth)

Dear Diary... 

Getting to experience labour even though you know in your heart that you will no doubt end up with a section at the end of it was one of the world scariest yet proudest moments in my life! I did 10 hours of labour with Felicity, "proper gave it some welly" according to Neil, & even though we ended up in theater having our planned section after all, i'm now not sat here thinking, "I wish i'd tried" because I did! I knew for a fact i'd end up with a section, but there was just this little part of me that couldnt help think "what if I can do it myself?" a little part of me that ached to experience labour again... so really, i'm glad I went into labour on my own, because as much as I was shitting myself, I was allowed to do things my way, I took control & I did good. Felicity may have come out of my stomach, but I brought my little girl into this world MY way & I am so so proud of myself for that. 

At 36 weeks I signed forms to have a planned section due to my labour with my son going wrong & him getting stuck due to me suffering with a pelvis disorder. At 38 weeks I was found to be in slow labour, but I was stuck at 2cm dilated. I spent two days in hospital contracting & in pain, then all of a sudden it all stopped, so I was sent home. Exactly one week later, at 39 weeks, I woke up the early hours of Wednesday morning to find i'd had my "blood show" & the contractions were back, at first I just thought "here we go again" so I tried my best to ignore it & get on with the day... but by Wednesday tea time the contractions had sped up & I was really beginning to feel the pain, so again we took a trip to the hospital, all the while I just kept thinking "here we go again, another false alarm" once at Maternity assessment I was examined & told that I was 3cm dilated (yey, we'd progressed) 1cm in a whole week though, seriously? so I was then taken to the delivery suite were I was made comfortable & spent the following 6 hours bouncing on a birthing ball, drinking fluids & having dehydracodine for my pain! at midnight I was examined again but I hadnt progressed, so I was sent back to the maternity assessment ward & Neil was sent home to get some rest.. because as we were about to find out, this was the calm before the storm... 

Two hours later at 2am! I woke up panting, sweating & unable to breathe through the pain! The midwife asked if I wanted more pain relief & I told her that I wanted examining! She examined me & finally, I was 4cm! ESTABLISHED LABOUR! so again I was taken back to the delivery suite were I was now able to have some of the "good stuff" gas & air ;) I sent Neil a text telling him we were finally in established labour & to get some sleep but get here early. The midwife looking after me was lovely, we talked about alsorts, friends, family, weddings, hobbies, likes & dislikes. Neil wasnt with me for 6 hours of my labour & she really helped keep me calm. Neil arrived around 6am & I was examined again & told my waters had gone & I was between 6-7cm dilated.

Around 11am the pain got really bad & I started asking for an epidural, Felicity was back to back so all my contractions were building up in my back & it was agony! I remember being checked again & being told I was fully dilated & me thinking "oh fuck, oh no!" it was agreed for me to have an epidural though, & once that was in, I started pushing, I spent an hour pushing but just like the first time, Felicity didn't budge! so after an hour, I was taken to theatre for them to try forceps to see if they could get her out that way.. this once again failed, so I was then given my planned section & at 12.40pm our daughter entered the world & it was amazing, I remember the exact moment, I burst into tears & so did Neil! Neil took pictures whilst she was cleaned up & I waited to see my daughter for the first time! (which felt like forever) but then he brought her over to me & I can't even explain that rush of love that surged through my body the minute I clapped my eyes on her! I was so worried thar I wasn't going to love her as much as I do Joel, but I needen't have bothered because she was absolutle perfection & I knew in that moment I loved her. 

After what felt like a life time in theatre being stiched up, we were then taken to recovery, were I got to have my first proper cuddle with my daughter!! I can't even put the experience into words, even now i'm still a little in shock, the whole thing was just perfect, the atmosphere, the medical staff, even Neil. It really was a lovely experience, especially after my rubbish time with Joel & I truly feel blessed to have been able to experience natural again even though I didn't manage it alone! 

Felicity is now 12 days old & I still look at her & want to cry because I can't believe she is finally here... 24 months I waited for my little ladybug! 14 months of trying to concieve & then 9 months of her growing inside me & I can tell you, she was more than worth the wait, she is amazing! 

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