Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Diary post #60. (6 weeks of life as a mum of two)

Dear Diary... 

On 20th June when I was 38 weeks pregnant, my husband lost his job, but because he is such a determined man that wants nothing more than to support his family, he didnt come home that day & "feel sorry for himself" he stayed in Leeds going to job agencies, & that very same day he lost his job, he secured himself an interview for another! over the next fortnight he went through the proccess of two interviews in total & when our daughter was just one week old, he had officially got himself back into another job! & I have never been more proud of his determination.. that right there is a family man & I am so proud to say that he is ours. The starting date for his job wasn't until the beginning of August, but this really worked out for us, as it gave him time at home with us, to help me after my section & time to spend with our son & newborn daughter. 

Six weeks have now past since the birth of our daughter & Neil getting his new job & life is slowly returning to normal again. Neil started his job on 11th August, so has been there just over a week now & he is loving it! & me, I am loving life at home during the day with our little people! slowly establishing a routine, & getting ready for Joel going back to nursery on 2nd September. Don't get me wrong, things have been tough too, with my daughter being diagnosed with reflux, she's been really unsettled at times & when you have an unsettled baby, routine kinda just goes out of the window, but thankfully, now we have her on medication that seems to be working, our routine is back in place & everything is going great.

The person I am most proud of is my son Joel. I had so many people tell me when I was pregnant that he'd probably suffer with jealousy or even resent the baby, but because we involved him from the very beginning, took him to scans, spoke to him about the baby & even told him when we found out he was getting a sister, he's loved her from day dot. I will always remember when she was born & his nanna & grandad brought him to the hospital, he was so excited to be finally meeting his sister! he brought her a balloon & a teddy & he sat on the bed with me for ages stroking her face & cuddling her, & six weeks later, nothing has changed, he DOTES on Felicity, & now that she is six weeks old & can finally see clearly she is loving all the attention from him! she is always giving him smiles & he is always wanting to cuddle/kiss & hold her. He's been amazing, he loves to help out with everything too & so no jealousy rears it's ugly head, I have let him help with everything that he's been interested in helping with.

As for me myself, I am not afraid to admit that I am struggling to keep my spirits high this past week or so. I am coping with my babies, no doubt about that, waking up to them every day is what has been keeping me going. what I am not really coping with is this "mood" that keeps trying to sneak in & take over me..

My health visitor came for a home visit to do Felicity's 6-8 week review on 18th Aug (yesterday) & after a long chat with her & me explaining everything thats been going on since I last saw her, she has told me that it is probably best to book an appointment with my doctor for a chat, just because of my previous history, she doesn't want me starting on that slippery slope, & neither do I. I have been doing so well for ages now, I have come so far from were I was, that I am not about to let depression take a hold of me again & ruin everything. 

It does say something when the first thing your health visitor says to you is; "i've been coming to see you for a while now, I know you laugh & smile a lot, but I want you to tell me what's going on behind that smile" talk about busted ^_^ so I told her that i've been feeling teary for no apparent reason, i'm not sleeping very well & my appetite is a bit crappy, i'm forgetting loads & i'm feeling anxious a lot of the time! she was very impressed that I opened up to her, because a year ago I wouldn't of done that, & in doing so this time, she can help me. she has told me that the doctor may suggest medication for a while, but he also may not, but going along & having a chat with him won't harm. I'm really glad I opened up to her because I have been feeling like if i'd of told people they'd think I wasn't coping as a mother, but she said it's not like that at all, she can see just from watching me with my children that I am coping perfectly fine with them, it's my "mood" that I am not coping with.. & before that gets any worse it needs to be nipped in the bud. so that's what's happening, I have to make an appointment with the doctor & then my health visitor will be back to see me again in 10 days time, she has NO concerns about my children whatsoever, she just wants to make sure I am well, & I am really proud of myself for admitting that I need a little help! I know this time that "something" isn't right, even my husband has noticed, I have seen the signs & I know my triggers, so I want to get myself seen & sorted out so that I can carry on enjoying my babies. 


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