Sunday, 28 September 2014

Diary Post #57. "Three beautiful months as a Mum of two."

Dear Diary...

Three amazing months have past since I brought my beautiful daughter into the world & it has been the most life changing yet amazing three months of my life. 

All I have ever wanted from being the age of 17, was to have children of my own & be a mum! I now have that, & I honestly couldn't be happier. what more could a girl ask for? Life sure is fantastic right now, I have great friends, great family & an amazing, supportive & loving husband. I also have the greatest support network & because of that, I am slowly beginning to conquer my depression & anxiety day by day. 

The first couple of weeks after having Felicity have been quite rocky, I started to slip where my PND was concerned, I lost interest in a lot of things & I spent most days in tears.. I didnt want to end up as bad as I was after having Joel so after a week or so, I asked for help! Something which I am very proud of, because it's something I never did with Joel! My health visitor has been amazing too! she has been visiting me on a regular basis every couple of weeks since having Felicity & will contuine to do so until I feel ready to make time inbetween her visits longer. 

aswell as initial support from my health visitor, I have also been back on my medication for 5 weeks now, & truth be told, I am feeling so much more in control. After speaking with my husband & my health visitor, I also made the decision to place Felicity into nursery for one afternoon a week, a decision that I didnt make lightly! I asked all of my family first to see if I could come to an arrangement with them, before I even considered nursery, because placing her into nursery wasnt one of my first options, infact, it was my last. Still, some people didnt agree nor did they understand why I am doing this, & why I have made this choice for my children. instead of supporting me like i'm sure a friend should, they accused me of alsorts & branded me as a bad parent. something I know I am not. if I was a bad parent I wouldnt be doing something that I thought was the best for my children. How is my children seeing me crying & suffering low moods good for them? By placing my daughter into nursery one afternoon a week (a nursery which Joel has been attending since he was 16 months old, so the staff aint exactly strangers to me) this gives me a little time to take control where my depression is concerned, & as selfish as it might sound, have a few hours to myself, take a bath, eat a proper meal, even have a nap! after all, what good am I to my children if I am run down & unhappy? no good whatsoever. 

I am extrememly proud of myself for the way I am handling things, & those who love me understand what I am going through & are all happy to help me without no judgement whtsoever! I dont get why some people have to give their say on your life, it's proper childish! people should just concentrate on their own life & if they cant be happy for you & support you, then why are they even friends with you? I am hoping all the friends I have now are true friends because I am sick to the back teeth of getting hurt & these so called "friends" only caring about whats going off in their life.

I will eventually beat my depression, I may have taken a few steps backwards just recently but I will get back on top of things again & eventually overcome this because I am a strong person & I have all the support & love that I need. I have my children & as long as I have them, I can overcome anything! they are my world & the reason I fight this everyday. 

screw all the negative nobheads! ;) 

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