Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Diary Post #60 "Hello, stranger...."

Dear Diary... 

So I realize that I havent written a proper blog post for some time now! I feel like I have kind of abandoned my blog a little to be honest. Ever since I became a mum of two my life has become a bit of a roller coaster if I am honest, I have spent the last 4 months battling my anxiety & post natal depression again, trying my hardest to stay strong & be a good mum & a good wife & also support my best friend who has also been going through a really hard time! 

On top of that I had to deal with friends falling out with me & trying to bring me down! BUT I wasnt going to let them get to me, I haven't spent the last 18 months building myself back up again for people to destroy me & send me back to were I was!! I decided I wasn't going back there, I wasn't going back to being the bitter, awful person I became in 2012, so yeah, I just kind of took a step back from everything & concentrated on what was important.. MY FAMILY. I went back onto my anti-depressants because I knew that it was something I needed to do for myself, & I have just been taking each day as it comes. 

It has been a few weeks since I have seen my health visitor too as she is currently off on sick leave, so I am having to do my best at "going it alone" I don't think I am doing too bad especially seen as the hubs is home at the moment due to being "finished" at work.. he too is having a stressful time of it at the moment & he told his boss that he didnt think he could handle the job so as a mutual decision they terminated his probation! no point being in a job you dont enjoy & is going to make you miserable right? this means things are going to be really tough for us until he gets himself back into work, but we are a strong family unit & together we can get through anything! on the positive, it also means I get some time with my husband & our children get some time with their daddy... which is something we could all do with! we may be skint, but at least we have each other. 

I am beginning to feel a lot more like myswlf thank goodness, I still have my wobbles & that is nothing to be ashamed of.. depression is an illness I will always live with & I am not ashaemd to admit that yes I do struggle sometimes, but as long as I have the people surrounding me that I do, I know I will be okay.

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