As I write this post it is Wednesday 31st December, 2014.. the last day of 2014, & I am determined to leave all the things & bad people behind me, along with this year. when I open my eyes tomorrow it will be a new year! so this is me reflecting on the good & the bad of 2014.. this is my year in words.
As always 2014 started off as a good year, as does every year, I was 14 weeks pregnant with my second child & I was feeling on top of the world, I had built a few bridges & I was getting on with my life.. for a while this mood/phase whatever you want to call it continued, I gave birth in July & then everything started to change slightly, I began to find out who my real friends were, those who were once wearing masks & pretending they were there for me, no longer were! it was now all about them & if it wasnt about them, they didnt like it.. I suffer with depression, I have suffered with depression since I was 19 years old.. it has only been in the last 18 months that I have truly began to learn about myself & how to cope with things after going through a long period of concilling in 2013.. & after I had my daughter & I began to slip a little due to my post natal depression trying to rear it's ugly head, people I thought were my friends started to show their true colors! what a surprise! first it was the girl I went through my pregnancy with, whilst we were pregnant she had this obsession of doing everything that I did, if I posted a picture of my bump you could guarentee a few hours later she would do the same... this carried on for months but I didnt let it bother me, however, after both our babies were born & I realized that wait aminute were actually both going through simular things here, both our babies had reflux & some of our experoences are slightly the same, but of course she took it apon herself to make out we weren't the same & I was copying her.. my child was copying her child.. ridiculous right? verything I was going through was false because she was going through it, & nobody else was aloud to go through what she was! so I soon put an end to it all, besides I didnt need the stress of a teenage drama queen on top of my battles, so I rubbed her out of my life & moved on..... a few months down the line, my husband lost his job & it had quite a large effect on me, of course it did, my husband not having a job meant our life would change hugely, so this effected my mood, I thought I had friends there to support me, one in particular, but it turned out, as usual, when I need a friend, I get shit on!
she turned nasty, she suffers from Bipolar depression herself "apparently" in my opinion, for someone who suffers so badly she's a bit of a cunt & doesnt seem to care about how anyone else deals with their problems! I soon learnt she wasnt a very nice person afterall when all hell broke loose. she completely changed on me, said alsorts of nasty vile things & the best one, told me to go & see a shrink because evetually I would end up alone! bravo... kick a girl whilst she's down why dont you! so yeah, the back end of this year has been pretty wank.. the only thing that has kept me going is my beautiful children, & I would be lying if I said that I won't be sad to wave goodbye to 2014, & all the arsewipes in it.
No, if I have learnt one lesson that I am taking through with me to 2015, that is to keep my friend circle small, keep my friends close, but my enemies closer.. trust nobody unless you know them in person! i'm done with befirending people only to get hurt in the process, i'm sick of being the soft one that gets walked all over.. i'm done with thinking i'm finally getting somewhere with my moods & some plonker comes along & ruins it all for me..
My new years resolution to myself is to concentrate on my beautiful family & only those around me that love & respect me, no more letting in people I can't completely trust & no more being a doormat.. I have come such a long way with my depression, & I wont let nobody send me backwards! i'm determined to make 2015 an amazing year.... I already have so much to look forward too..
In July we will be celebrating Felicity's first birthday & in September, Joel will be starting full time school, my baby boy is growing up! & I want to enjoy them both as much I can, so that is what I am going to do! concentrate on the people most important to me & not let the retards in!
2015 will be my year, watch this space! no negative people, no negative moods & no slipping onto that slope! its funny how everytime someone thinks they're bringing me down, they're not, they're actually pushing me up & making me see just how much of a strong person I am.. I guess it takes a weak person trying to break you for you to see that shit, you're actually doing better that what you thought...
I can do this...
I can eventually beat depression & anxiety
I can rise above the hate & the morons that try to bring me down
because I am strong & I am determined.
bring on 2015, I cant wait.
I hope however you are spending your last day of 2014 you are safe & happy. dont let the bad people ruin the good things you have! peace out boys & girls, & thank you for reading..
HELLO 2015. may you be an awesome year.