Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Diary Post #83. *Memories*

Dear Diary.. 

It was September 2004, the year I left school & started barrow 6form. I had always dreamed of getting into 6form, I got through school the best I could, & even with my grades, which weren't amazing, I just about managed it. I was really proud of myself. I did 2 years at Barrow 6form & 1 year at Furness College. I know this might sound real cheesy & a bit pathetic, but it was at 6form that I learnt the meaning of the word "friend" I was resitting my GCSE English & Maths as I didnt do great in school, but I did well enough to pass, & I also decided to do Art & Sociology.

On the first day of college we had to go through induction, get assigned to our social rooms & we were then shown around the college, & its one moment that sticks into my head, when I saw her in the library, my best friend, Katie Wearing. she was with some oldish woman & when she saw me looking, she smiled & I got all nervous & looked away ha! I later learnt that she was in my Art & Sociology class.. I didnt say much to her for a few weeks, I just watched her, especially in Art, I was fascinated with her drawings & stuff! I really wanted to talk to her but couldnt bring myself to do it. Then when we had our first Sociology lesson, I was sat with my friends from school & we were messing about.. & the tutor, Judy, was talking about something or other & she picked me to read from one of the chapters in the book we all had... I totally froze, I have always slightly struggled with my reading, especially out loud, so when she asked me to read out loud, I said no, & she just looked at me with a shocked look on her face & asked me why & I just kept saying no I dont want too.. she then raised her voice slightly & asked me to read it again, infront of the whole class, so the truth came out, I told her that I struggle with my reading! this of course caused sniggers & giggles from other students (dicks) but the look on Judy's face after I said that is something I will never forget.. she looked so apologetic! she excused herself from the class & took me outside, immediately she apologised for putting me in that position infront of everyone & she suggested that I sat with Katie & her teaching assistant for if I needed help reading! & well thats were our friendship began........ & when I decided that I really liked my Sociology teacher 

Me & Katie got to know each other & I even sat with her in our art classes! we got really close. to the point were I started seeing her outside of college! & when I turned 17, my first alcoholic drink was with Katie in Yates' & then from then on we kinda started going out together every weekend! i'd stop over at her flat, & then when we had Sociology, we'd fill Judy in on our nights out after class! ;) It was through Katie, that I also met a guy that is very special to me, my very good friend Lee! & then later on, I met my now husband through her too! we did two years together at 6form building memories. 6form is definetely my most favorite memories! along with summer 2006, when I moved into Katie's flat & practically lived with her! we decided to do some summer classes. The first week we did Italian & then I think the second week we did Video Club.. she introduced me to Dirty Dancing & we'd literally spend EVERY evening watching it, copying it word for word! so you see, Katie really is the most truest & bestest friend I have ever had, I can talk to her about anything, even now, we sit whatsapping until stupid olock in the morning! & she just totally gets me, she always has!

there is just one thing that I wish had never happened between us! :( when I had my son in 2010, I totally destroyed everything between us! I was suffering from really bad Post Natal Depression after I had Joel, but I wasnt diagnosed until he was 8 months old & by that point all the damage was done, I had killed our friendship. :( BUT four months after my diagnoses, I got the courage to message Katie & she actually spoke to me, why? after everything, I do not know? but I am so glad she did, because ever since then we have been building our friendship up again! its been almost five years, but I will forever feel guilty for what I did to her! I dont think anything will ever stop that.. but I am learning to accept the past now & not let it  ruin my future, & i'm hoping that my future will have Katie in it.

The past few weeks I have been feeling sooo close to Katie again, & I really dont want that feeling to go away ever again, I actually feel like my heart is slowly starting to healing again, because, & I may sound a tad "dramatic" here, but I was truly shattered & lost when what happened did & I lost her friendship! & I truly do believe that if a friendship is meant to be then no matter what hurdles get in the way, somehow everything will all work out, & it has! it has took a long time, but with a lot of hard work, I think me & Katie are finally back on the good road? & i'm really excited for the furture, especially now that she is in my future! I have alot of special memories with Katie, & I am hoping that sometime very soon we can make some new ones.

I love you Katie. <3

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